Journal Entry 5/4/18 – Entry #50

My family is my power…

Yesterday started the same as almost every day has for the last 90 days. The purpose for my morning routine had never been clearer. The shift from victim to creator yesterday gave me the presence to hold space for my mother, my family and myself through all of the pain and celebration of my grandmothers passing.

Core 4 done and it was time to say goodbye to mama’s physical body for the last time.  On our drive to mama’s favorite church I was getting flashbacks of all of the family time spent with mama over the past 33 years. Mama had a special way of uniting the family even in the darkest of moments, she brought the sun and the strength required to clear the storm. The mass was beautifully put together and delivered by her favorite padre Diario.

Tears were steady flowing throughout the entire mass, but reached a climax when my mother delivered a powerful eulogy that encapsulated the imprint that mama was leaving behind as her legacy. I was immensely proud of my mother’s strength to deliver the most challenging share of her life. It was apparent when my mother collapsed in my arms that she gave mama every ounce of energy she had left by honoring her with the words shared in her memory.

The emotional caravan was now in motion to the cemetery Fuente De Luz. While on the way we stopped at mamas favorite Sunday spot for the last time…Susana’s humble estate where we rejoiced and toasted to the life of our queen. As we parked in front of Susana’s there were speakers filling the sky with mama’s favorite tunes penetrating our souls. Song after song they played strumming the strings of our hearts as tears continued to pour down culminated by the finale “Como quien pierde una estrella.”  I was crushed as I watched the agony in my mother’s eyes as she sang aloud with cries of pain.

As we arrived to mamas final resting place I took a deep breath to try and gather myself. The doors of everyone’s hearts opened and the men of the family carried her for one last time. As we walked towards her final home the mariachi that she loved so much played for her one last time. The moment was just as she would have wanted it to be celebrating her life. We said our last goodbye to mama with a balloon send off in to the sky. The beautiful sky was dotted with balloons flying together in unison representing our family united once again. The power of her family was what drove her for all of those years.

I started this 90 day challenge with the title “My Family is My Power” and I am ending this 90 day challenging with a much deeper understanding of the true power behind my family.

I am grateful and I am committed to honoring mama’s legacy while building mine.